Undefining Relationships



Today I am going to write about “Relationships”
This word has haunted me all my life.
I have never been able to keep a single relationship like others do.
When I say relationship, I mean friendship, a relationship with a Boy/Man, one with my siblings or my family.
Apparently I could never fulfill their expectations they have of me.
I never understood what am I to do.
Whether to follow my heart? Whether to simply do what they ask me to do and become submissive? Or whether to just do nothing at all?
Either way whatever I have done, it was never enough, it is never enough.
There was and is always another expectation, always another complaint, always another demand.

Many a times over the past years, I have wondered whether the problem is with me?
Why is that I am always the one left wanting?
Why is that I am always the one who is at the receiving end of a scorn, of ignorance and of hatred?
So after numerous friends leaving me, going out of contact with me, many love relationships broken, after hell and back, I realised that neither me nor anyone who came in my life knew what a relationship is and how to handle it.
The problem is not me or them, infact there is actually no problem at all.
We, everyone of us are just ignorant of “Relationships”.

Well, a relationship is always good to have, whether be it with a close friend, with a lover, a family member who is close to us.
Having that one someone who is privy to every emotion of ours, every anger, every tear, every feeling of lust and love we have ever felt is amazing to have.
For everyone the concept always starts with having the “One”.
Every relationship starts with the same feeling but slowly with time things change.
But then why do things change?
Why everything seems broken when everything was going just fine?

What I reckon after days and months of speculation, reading books, reading articles on experiments and listening to many people talk about their relationships, I have somewhat drawn a conclusion to one meaning of “Relationship”.

For me Relationship is like water.
Simple right?
Relationship equal to Water.

When I see water in the form of Ocean or River, I see it as always flowing, always fresh.
There is amass of richness in them.
It is full of energy and life, housing millions of minerals in it.

Don’t we all love visiting a beach, the river bank, love dipping our hands and feet in them.
The Mountains love it, fish, plants, sea animals loves it.
The Ocean houses and provides everyone with love.
It crashes, rages in form of waves, but also makes love to all, attracting towards it more and more.
Its persistent in its course, shedding obstacles and making its own path.
It opens its wealth for everyone of us.
Every being has different expectations from it and who ever comes to it always takes back more than what they had asked for.
Is it not why they keep coming back? Why we all go back to the Ocean?
Is it not but our search of always something new, maybe old, something of our own?
We each experience, perceive it in different way, our ways and yet we all enjoy it.
We all cherish every moment we spend.

When I think about it, is it not same with Relationships?
Does not a relationship feels like the freshness of the water, swells like a rising tide and makes love to like a crashing wave?
Is it true that a relationship makes life so beautiful, attracting everyonen to be a part of us, our lives?
Then why is it that as time passes, days flies, the very idea becomes repelling to us?
Why is it that unlike an Ocean, relationship loses its meaning over time?
I kept thinking about it and then I remembered about a pond I use to watch every day on my way to work.

Well,ever wondered about what happens to the water when in a Pond?
A water in the pond is shallow, dirty with algae growing, with small fishes lurking in it.
Its a good to have in the backyard, but soon it starts to stink.
Its enjoyable for a while for all but then soon, its nothing but a stinky puddle only enjoyed occassinally, no one cares anymore about it.
It has its own beauty, own richness to provide us however small but no one wants to dirty their hands and feet in it anymore.
The meaning is lost forever.

Why is it that the same water, when in ocean is different from when in the pond?
We all know the answer.
Because it is not flowing.
Because we have confined it in a boundary.
We have “Defined” it.

Now wonder the same about relationships.
Replace the word “water” with “relationships”.
Does it make sense?

Everyone of us in the greed to want more, to have more, to have uniqueness of our own, for ourselves, wants to define the “ocean like relationship”.
We try to define boundaries, give rules to it thus confining them like the Pond in our backyard.
We want our puddle to be unique from others, we want no one to wander in our pond.
But do we dwell in it after it gets stagnant and stinky?
Our incessant need of possession makes us forget that an ocean or a relationship is so big that it can provide its meaning to everyone’s life.
We give it a name like we have of our own to be unique from others. But are we really unique because of the name we have or are we unique because of the qualities we possess, because of what we make of ourselves.?
Is it that in giving a name to relationship, whether best friends, husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend, render it some extra qualities?
Isn’t the base of any relationship always that of love, of care, of a companionship?
Then why is that our expectations changes with name? Why is love different between best friends? between married couples? between man and a woman?
Why this definition?
Why the rules?
Why this need to possess the other person for ourselves always?

Do we not allow others to dip their feet in the Ocean? Do we tell them to stay away from our part of the Ocean?
If we can share that then why not People? why not relationships?
ever wondered why?

Relationships are like Oceans.
Some people go to extreme depths of it, while some tread the shallow waters near the shore.
Some go out to look for treasures while some sit to find peace in the chaos.
Everyone holds a different meaning for it.
Its open to all. One huge Mass of water for everyone.

Is it not true for relationships also?
Each relationship a person holds has a different meaning, its own uniqueness, its own magic, yet different across humans, across cultures.
Then who is wrong and who is right?
Then whose way of handling a relationship is better?
Mine? Yours? Theirs?

I wonder what will happen if we forget the boundaries? forget the rules? and allow our relationship to expand beyond its confines?
We may be surprised as to how many will want to be a part of our lives.
Some may really tread our depths while some may be happy to enjoy from afar.
some may love for what we have to give, while some may really love us for our chaos.

We have so much to give to another in any form of relationship when we are not bound by words like loyalty, committment but when we are lead by words like love and faith.

” A little by little we pass it on
A little by little we sing along
A little by you, a little by me
A little by little we carry on
Let it flow like a river, vibrant and fresh
Let it rage and crash like a wave on the sand
Let it flow against all the obstacles
Let it carve out its own path
It has no definition, let’s not give it one
Is the pond same as a river or an Ocean?
Love can not be confined in a ball and chain.
Only in the freedom will love soar to it highest peak,
Only in freedom does a Ocean flow around the world.
Only in letting the one you love go, will a “Relationship” grow.
Only in the anonymous will we find the one that is our own. ” – Shraddha.


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